twist-irony-surprises

Monday, October 23, 2006

R u worth it?

This question has been swirling in my mind non stop since yesterday..wait scratch that, not yesterday but early morning today. I kept asking myself, how much do i worth? it doesnt matter in what form, it could be in currency form, or treatment form or any kind. Probably u dun understand what im trying to say here, so i'll elaborate.

I've been thinking, if in money wise, how much do i worth? if sumone were to buy me, how much would i cost? A person like me,( who is short but with great personality), would cost less than a million, or millions or unbuy-able?(shit, english bad). However if u look on the flip side, i could be the other way round, ugly, dull, pimply, hot-tempered, lazy, and rebellious. If my worth depends on those circumstances, how much would i cost then? If u still dun get what im trying to say, in a nutshell: i still dont know how to put a value to myself.

If not in money wise, how much do i deserve? Meaning, what kinds of things and treatment do i deserve? do i deserve someone who is educated, rich, english speaking, and well brought up? or do i deserve someone who is probaby lower than middle class, not english speaking, not educated (i mean sum1 who din go to college) ? Do i deserve the first one or do i deserve the latter eventhough just as friends? This thing is so complicated, so let me tell u the real deal.

Okey, i went to Jack's place a few days ago and i noticed this one waiter. He is pretty cute and thought he was some hospitality student doing his internship at the restaurant. Therefore, i thot he could speak english pretty well and has sumthing going on in his mind. After a few minutes, he approached and striked a conversation, asking about my parentage and what not. Well i found out that he was pure malay (he doesnt look like a malay), and not english speaking, not uni or college educated, but just an average malay joe that i can find anywhere. I know straight away that he is not my type.

He let me resume to my meal but before i left he passed me his phone nomber and e-mail add. I checked him up on friendster using his e-mail add and found out he is just like any other guy who wants to have fun. I could message him and treat him only as a friend, or i dun need to message him at all thinking that i dun deserve such people in my life n it's high time i take my worth seriously. What do you think? I think it's high time i act a bit "lan si" and only accept certain people that deserve me into my life.

The guy is not my only problem, the problem that im having at the moment is setting up my standard. I need a standard in my life. I believe people shouldnt take me lightly and take me for granted anymore. Not anyone could. I need to realise how much i worth and therefore only accept things that are worthy now. I dun want some sloppy and lazy joes anymore. i want sum1 who is driven and someone who appreciates me. I dun want to recieve such mediocre or lowly treatment because they cant afford it or they couldnt be bothered to give it to me. I want to know what my life really worth and i dun want to be seem easy anymore coz i know i deserve sumthing more.

by Zephyr at 3:01 AM |