Have you ever had this experience where you find a song that you have been listening to suddenly become a reflection to your life ? Have you ever experienced an obsession over a song for no reason and suddenly you realise that song is actually telling YOUR story?
I have been in that situation many many times. Sometimes it surprises me how I will intuitively feel the need to listen to a particular song over and over again until it dawns on me that that song is exactly what I need during that period.
I don't know if I just want to relate to it or if it is just my intuition seeking a healing song. But it's really funny how an odd old song will come into my mind and haunts me even when I'm sleeping.
Last week when I was down over a fall out, I had Craig David's "I just don't love you no more" song stuck in my mind. It played over and over and over again. I sang it without even realising it. It became habitual until at one point it stopped suddenly. That was when I start to realise that Hey! I've stopped thinking about him and I'm over it.
Now I am having Ne-yo's song stuck in my mind. It's called Go on girl which I though to be Girl on Girl but to my disappointment it's not. I have no idea why it's my obsession but there is a sense of connection. It's has now become my second habit to sing it non-stop.
Well I think it's because the beat of music is laid back and it pretty much reflects how slow my life is going right now; which is good. The song is simple and the lyric pretty much shows how I am feeling. So viola....It's my new song. I don't know if I'm over-analysing it or it comes naturally. I prefer to call it natural...
I guess it's a way for mind to distract myself from thinking so much of that particular matter. By singing it I am actually thinking about the song rather than the problem...Lame I know. Well it's just a theory...
It's just a way how I mend myself. So buzz and stop over psycho-analysing me.
I've been practically brain dead....I know at this point people who hates me but loves reading my blog will roll their eyes and scoff. Fuck you...Sorry for the profanity...
I've just been schizo! I'm hearing voices.....
I always have things in my mind but I always forget about them. It shows how much memory capacity I have. It's comparable to a fish's brain.
Been doing nothing but hanging on trees and slothing. I am the new breed of human species. I am no longer Homo sapient but a Homoslothing Apey-sapient. It's lame I know. Been doing nothing but acting on impulse. Sing and dance whenever I want. Drive out and buy cd's non-stop.
Been listening to Ne-yo and and I just wanna make love to him. Been listening to Craig David non-stop and I want to make love to him too. They r just smooth and sexy.
Been having imaginary concerts in the car lately during jams. Very good therapy.
Really wanna learn how to play guitar. I really wanna go busking! Just when or when?
I guess this post is just like any other ordinary post where other ordinary school kids like to post up. You know where they tell the whole world about their boring useless pathetic progress... Just like mine.
But if u can see how much I am enjoying and sipping my life away...You will be envious. I'm dead serious...I've been nowhere but in my mind constantly....
Have your mind ever been so messed up and blur till a familiar word like belief doesn't make any sense to u anymore? Sometimes you know that word so well but when you look it up in the dictionary, it actually means differently from what you thought it was supposed to be. I always here the word belief. The frequency of its usage is so often that I do not need to look at the dictionary to know its meaning. However, I'm questioning the real meaning of belief now. I don't know what it means anymore so i looked it up and it means
1. The mental act, condition, or habit of placing trust or confidence in another: My belief in you is as strong as ever.
2. Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something: His explanation of what happened defies belief.
3. Something believed or accepted as true, especially a particular tenet or a body of tenets accepted by a group of persons.
Belief is a noun and believe is a verb. I know...Like duh...everyone knows that. The act of believing plays such a vital role in your life. It makes who you are today. Like a terrorist, their beliefs in Jihad is so real and true to them that it makes them kill thousand of people without regret and conscience. Sometimes, because of their beliefs they are ready to sacrifice themselves. The act of believing is so powerful . How can I ever take it lightly last time...
Now my belief lies on one person. How ever much anger he has caused me and how ever much a person has told me of his real intention, I still want to believe him. Sometimes, we make ourselves believe in something because we want to. The idea of believing on that certain thing is so comforting that we exclude other possibilities that it might be a lie, or that thing might be harmful, or that thing is no good for you. That's how we have god. Some believe god is non-existent and some believe god is solid and real. That is also how we get rumours to start spreading like fire. It is because the people want to believe that saucy hot gossip is real. The reason again also coz it's comfortable to learn of somebody's misfortune.
I am digressing here. But the problem is this. Somebody might (stress on the word might coz nothing is confirmed) be playing with my heart and my mind. He may be no good for me. Sometimes he's not good to me too. But I really want to believe that deep down inside, he cares for me and that he loves me. Probably he has other things on his mind that is distracting him. That's all. Can I say I'm living in denial? Can you say I'm creating an illusion just to comfort myself? Just to protect myself from the real truth? Or is the sense of belief comes straight from my gut telling me that it is the real truth. No doubt. That is the real truth. Not an illusion at all. It is just the amazement that you get whenever you see a wife or a girlfriend who is so truthful to her violent beating bf/husband. We always say, leave him while you can. But they still refuse and sooner or later you give up hope on her. It's like having a friend who is in a love with a jerk. She knows that he is a jerk but she can't shake him off. She still wants to believe that he will change.
Some people keep on believing in their own lies until at one point, they break! They stop believing and turn a new leaf. Should I too take a risk and keep on believing till I break? Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. But thats what human nature is like, we will never learn our lesson till we get burnt. We never learn without feeling the sensation pain. Each one of us are a romantic deep down inside, it only depends on how far your heart wanna take you. It all depends on how deep your belief runs in you.
The last time I watched a football match when I was 13, so the idea of watching another football match again is very hard to turn down, except the first football match I watched was between Manchester United and Malaysia and this time around it's only Malaysia against Iran. Nevertheless, I still had fun. Serious fun! It was a pretty good choice of bringing me to watch a football match for a first date. Good job Merhdad!
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: The Bukit Jalil Stadium and the Iranian people.
What captivated me was the undying spirit of the Iranians! I was simply enthralled when I stepped into the stadium entrance. The excitement builds up slowly. It started once I got into the right StarLrt station (I got lost, wet, on the wrong platform, and on the wrong train) that night. I was heading to Bukit Jalil station and the train was flocked by Iranians. Hard core Iranian football fans. Their faces were painted green, red and white stripes symbolising their National Flag. Some brought horns and some brought flags and what not. I can also see Iranian of all ages in the train! Grandma, Grandpa, papa, mama, sister, brother and every member of the family there. It was very impressive to see how patriotic they are.
Once I got out from the train and out of that thingamajigy ticket machine, people behind me started to blow out their horns and cheered "Iran" together. They had claps, cheers and everything. They cheered all they way to the stadium. When I stood outside the stadium entrance I felt an intense excitement stirred by all the noises and cheers within the stadium wall. There were drums, whistle, and mostly there were noises emitted by the Iranians. They shouted a cheer instructed by three old bearded men. One of them shouted something in Iran and everybody started cheering in unison. They had all kind of cheers in hand. It was awesome looking at their spirit and unison.
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:The Iranian crowd that I was sitting with. Look at how eager the old man is! So engrossed!
The organizers segregated the Malaysian and the Iranian. It never occured to me that they would, yet again I do have a small brain. I was pretty mad looking at the lazy malaysians. They sat there and only cheered occasionally. Funny thing was, they brought in clowns. Ironic. Is that why you bring the clowns so that they could cheer up the lazy and languid Malaysian fans? It occured to me that clowns seemed to be their mascot to represent the clown-ish performance by our footballers too. Muahaha I don't wanna be so mean (but i have been very bitchy lately anyways), but I DO SUPPORT MY NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM OK? I was the only one standing among all the Iranians to cheer for Malaysia! I was also the only standing among them to sing our national anthem loudly! I had to bear all their ridicules! haha
Unlike the Malaysian fans, the Iranians never stopped cheering and fueling up their footballers' spirit. They would have break in between cheers just to catch some air, but they would never stop for 20 minutes or more like the Malaysians!!! Haiyoo...I can't be the only manic malaysian shouting on top of her lungs rite? Besides I was surrounded by hundreds of Iranians, so I wouldn't want to be beaten up by them. Hehe Lame excuse..
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:People waving after a goal scored by the Iran footballers. They were pretty good.
I also found out that some of the Iranian, took a seven hours flight from Iran to Malaysia just to spectate the match. Talking about undying support. I wonder would we Malaysians take a 2 hours flight or more to support our Malaysian footballers in international matches? Most people would answer no. So I guess everyone has a fair share of blame for the ever deteriorating performance by our national football players. Blame on the government, politicians, the coaches, the players, and the people. Our team is so torn by everyone...
However I do have to say, Malaysia put up a good defence. Thumbs up to the goal keeper. He got bulled by one of the Iran player in the stomach but he put on a strong face and played on! He saved so many potential goals. Even when I say that, people will say " Haiyaa..they know they were going to lose, that's why they played defence only!" True or not true? I don't know!
At the end, Iran won by 2-0. The most interesting part was, the iranians waited for everyone to gather at certain sport just to DANCE! They were deejays and everything. They put on a song and everybody started dancing. Even mums were dancing and I tell u one particular mum was rocking! Amazingly, every Iranian knows every Iranian. The whole Iranian in Selangor and Kl were there. There won't be any chance of walking around without being stopped by few Iranian people. Don't you just admire their spirit? By the way, I had a shock in my life when I saw Iranian guys gyrating their hips and belly dancing (ok fine, they were not belly dancing but it was something like it). I found out that was their Iranian dance. The guys would shake and gyrate their hips like nobody's business. But it was cute seeing them so comfortable doing it.
At the end of the day I asked Merhdad a stupid question; "When is your national day'? He gave me a quizzical look. I rephrased my line by saying "When is ur independence day?". He gave another confused dumb look. Then it dawned on me they have never been colonised. They are not a commonwealth country in the first place..... I think. Then Merhdad asnwered my queston with " I don't know. I think there is one but I don't know when." Smart -.-
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: Redza and Merhdad. I dun understand why Merhdad has to keep that misai kuching!
Not to be forgotten, I got on the last train back and it was packed by Iranian people. 98% were Iranian and 2% non Iranian. I AM NOT KIDDING YOU! I AM DEAD SERIOUS! They had a small party in the train. Everybody took our their horns and filled up the train with the blasting sound of the horns. They clapped and cheered. Some even made a circle to recite poems and dances. Merhdad was somehow embarrassed by the outward craziness of his people. How can he be shy of his people when they are so zany and proud to be themselves? They were so comfortable being in their own skin. It was hell of a party in the train. There was even one time when everybody kept on blowing the horn incessantly that it made the train driver blew the the train's horn to shut them up. Everybody in the train cracked into laughter. I was smiling ear to ear.
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: The crowded train. All packed by the Iranian. They wore either red, green or white.
Dear John Doe,
I should have known when my friends told me, "Honey, you're moving too fast with this guy", yet again I should have listened when my guts told me there is something wrong with you. I believe your words have never been true all along. All the "I love you" and 'I miss you" are lies. There is nobody to be blamed but me who insisted on being stubborn despite all the warnings and all the foreboding. What can I do but to say......I should have known.
I don't know how you could sum up the courage to look me in the eyes and not to feel your soul burning when you told me all those lies. I don't know how you could continue to live when you persuaded and manipulated me to your likings. Playing and reading me like a card. Shuffling and arranging my emotions like those deck of cards that you play to suit your tricks in the game of chance. My feelings were just a gamble to you. Losing or winning is not the matter, but it is the after taste that counts. The taste of successful manipulation and deception. Bravo, bravo, bravo! I'll cheer, and cheer and cheer for you some more for give playing me like a pro; smooth, unflinching and with stealth. I hope you feel proud of yourself now.
I don't know how you could gather all those cool when I get all mad at you and swear to you all those ugly words. You did nothing but say "Hush hush, I'm sorry, really really sorry. Please do not leave because I do not want to lose you". How did you fake the sincerity in your eyes? How did you make me feel all warm when you pull my hand to stop me from leaving you? Maybe it was me who was naive or maybe it was you being a master of emotions. I don't know....I just don't know..I just don't want to know...
Now I've made up my mind and believing my guts for once. I'm washing my hands of you and that's why I'm writing this letter to you. A dear John letter. Thanks for acting like you care and thanks for pretending like you meant your empty words. Just wanna tell you one more thing that I heard from a friend, "Once you're in Aussie a.k.a the land of the blonde's, you can't help but to fuck the blondes as well". Goodbye, mate.
As most all of you might have known, I just love Bollywood movies. Call me cheesy but I like em. As I was walking around a place in Klang called Little India, a place which i just adore to pass by every day, I saw a poster with a younger girl wraping her hand around and old man whom I instantly recognised to be Amitabh Bachan. No one can miss out his signature silver french beard. Anyways at the side of the poster it wrote, "she's 18 and he's 60. Some love stories are never meant to be understood".
The poster was set up in a way to project the idea of gloominess and danger lurking behind these two couples as the colour black covers most of the poster and and only the faces of these two couples are discernible. It struck my curiosity and I told myself I must get the Vcd sooner or later. I could have bought it straight away but I can't as I've already bought Fanaa, another Hindi movie.
What else can be interesting than a love story between a youth and a man who is old enough to pass of as her dad? Well it is scandalous and I can't deny that that is the reason why I'm interested in the first place. But then I thought, this is going to be a hard plot to pull off. The center of the plot line is the odd couple and if the director projects them to be like any other cheesy romantic love birds which you can see in all the hindi movies, it will come off totally messed up and wrong. It may look incest even. The girl is too young to be made to act a love scene with an old man. The viewers will not be able to grasp the idea of love between two different generation. Nobody can stand the image of an old man and a young girl dancing around the garden and having a gross making out session. Besides nobody can watch the old Amitabh Bachan shaking his ass off. This movie can only turn out to be the extremes; either extremely bad or extremely profound.
Anyways, I feel like this movie is different. It digs deep into human psychology and break away from convention. It is dark and produced where dancing, singing, back-up dancers and colourful clothes are non-existent. I am curious and so very very very intrigued. This is the kind of movie that always pushes boundaries and carries a big risk with it especially to be produced in India. Being a land where most if its people face poverty, this movie will not be it's no.1 choice. Its people are looking for light-hearted and entertaining stories and this movie is definitely not one of them. Not many people would like to sit 3 hours in the cinema and crack their head to read in between the lines. Hence, I think this movie is not aimed at making revenues but more at revolutionizing the film industry and introducing new ideas and possibilities for cross frontier-
ing love (is there such a word? you get my drift hehe). This is a great way to enjoy Hindi movie without being put off by cheap comedy and bad acting skills.
This is THE Asian movie to catch for. I am buying the Vcd this week, anybody wants to watch it with me? Sarah Chen I will influence you to love Bollywood movies despite how much you loathe them!
My hair is my crown, people! I have always been concerned about my hair since I've reached puberty cause that was the time when my hair started to transform from silky straight to unruly frizzy coarse hair. Blame it on the hormones. Again. Anyways I think my hormones are calming down and I have found my blessed curls. Can't live without it.
After discovering my curls, I've stopped using shampoos and only dedicate myself to conditioners. I know it sounds disgusting but your head is not as dirty as shit until you have to wash it with floor detergents ok??? Sorry for offending shampoo users but that statement is directed to my elder sis as she likes to mock about my habit and calls it disgusting. Watever! Anyways, I have been looking for clear hair gels that styles and repairs my hair simultaneously but I can't. So I typed hair gel in google and got some amazing results. I found homemade hair gel. I know it sounds frugal or disgusting but think about it this way; would you prefer having natural things on hair or some chemicals that you can't even pronounce sitting on you hair? Which one huh? huh? huh? Anyways Sarah Chen, these recipes are for you to try! Go and wallop the recipe! hahaha
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My curls! My curls! My curls are much longer now and it got heavy. So my curls are not showing. That's why I need hair gel.
TimeOf Applications: 40Prep. Time: 0:50
1 cup water
2 Tbls. flax seed
2 drops scented oil - your choice of scent
-Combine water and seeds in a small saucepan.
-Bring to a boil then remove from heat.
-Allow to set for a half an hour.
-Strain through fine colander.
-When completely cooled, add scented oil.
-Transfer to a wide-mouthed jar with lid.
Notes: Use as you would with any other gel. For first timers you would have some hard time handling the subtance as it won't come out viscous instead it will turn out to be runny as egg whites. So I read some comments and they said strain it while it is still warm and don't let it sit for too long ok?
I have not tried my hands on these things yet but can't wait. I've bought all the ingredients and i've only the essence oil left. I think you could get these scented oils from Body Shop.
You can substitute the flax seeds with Gelatine. Here is the recipe:
Homemade Hair Gel
1/2 to 1 teaspoon unflavored vegetable based gelatin
1 cup warm water
Dissolve gelatin in 1 cup warm water. Keep refrigerated and use as you would a purchased gel. You could also add in scented oil if u want to. People have also commented that gelatin triggers hair growth. So it kinda like makes your hair grow faster.
Keep in mind that both of these gels could only last for a week and keep them refrigerated. Good Luck peeps if you're trying.
Guitar!.........
I played clarinet for my school band and failed miserably. Couldn't play a full song and I sound like squitwert (is that how you spell his name?) from SpongeBob when he plays it.
I tried piano and quited after 1 month.
So here I am again trying my hands on another musical instrument. Hope I won't give up on this one. I already know how to play the four chords G, E minor, D, C!
Tau main je lar tapi nak tukar tukar chord dengan secara professionalnya. .......jangan harap lah! hahaha
The most shocking thing happened was my dad who played the guitar like a pro yesterday. He took up the guitar and said I used to play guitar when I was younger. I rolled my eyes and said yeah yeah I'm sure u have.
Do u know why I did that to him? It's because he loves creating stories where it makes him look like a pro and a champion. Embellishing himself lah...He used to go to oxford lah, used to stay in Russia lah, used to be a debate champion lah but forgetting that fact he told me he comes from a small town kampung called Mersing and never have gone to a Uni.
But to my horror, he played the guiter like a pro. Flicking the guitar strings like Santana and changing from chords to chords fluently. COOL DUDE...
I guess if my dad could play guitar then maybe I could since it runs in the blood just like Norah Jones and her dad Ravi Shankar despite their tempestuous relationship. Norah said that playing the guitar is a totally different experience and she loves playing it eventhough she can't play it so well. See it runs in the blood. I do not know why I am typing these things when I have maths to do. Tsk tsk tsk....So anyone do u have any old guitar books to lend me?
You know what happened today? I can't help it but to blog it! here goes
I
COOKED
THE
PERFECT
HARD
BOILED
EGG!!! WHICH IS TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO SO IN THIS WORLD! EVEN WHAT'S HIS FACE COULDNT DO IT! herm...i forgot his name! WAIT I THINK IT'S JAMIE OLIVER!
Yeah i am serious! He was aesthetic when he boiled a perfect hard boiled egg after so many attempt through the 36 years course of his life!
It took me nothing but guts! Once again my women instinct has proven me right! I let the egg sit in the boiler and I cut and slices onion and cabbages while waiting for it to boil. After I felt like an exact 10 minutes has passed, I let it sit in running tap water.
After I peeled it, I was shock to find a smooth white surface on the egg and a perfect yellow yoke inside. No blue or purple rim on the yoke caused by excessive heat. It was not runny nor hard. It sat soft and firm inside the albumen.
I am such a genius! I know it sounds like a small thing but it feels exciting when you know your guts are doing their job!
I've been lucky also so far these few weeks. Is it just my guts or lady luck is here to stay? I am so sorry if i sound so new-age or freaky, but i have been monitoring my luck quick too often these few days.
Guys:Put your hands around her waist
firmly
girls: lay your headback on his
shoulder and put your arms on his.
Guys:whisper in her ear
Girls: giggle
Girls:whenever he tries to kiss you,
don't just let him, kiss him
back. ........
Girls: When you want to cuddle with
him, tell him you're cold
Guys: automatically move closer to
her. (if your stupid then you'll
either say "me too" or you'll give her
your jacket... don't)
Girls: During a movie, if he puts his
arm around you, tilt your head on his
shoulder
Guys: lift her chin up and kiss her.
Guys: When she tells you she loves
you, look deep into her eyes, give her
a peck on the lips, and tell her you
love her too... and mean it.
Girls:When you're both laying under
the stars, put yourhead on his chest
and close your eyes as you listen to
his steady heart beat
Guys: whisper in her ear and link your
hands with hers.
I saw this in my friendster bulletin board.When I read it, I closed my eyes and imagined all those lovely things. Right after I read the last line, a blanket of warmth and security covered my body. I can't never deny how much I love physical touch and affection. Sometimes words don't need to be uttered. To know how we really feel we should just shut our mouth and let our body tell the stories.
Things even get lovelier when two unfamiliar acquaintances let down their guards and fall into each other's arm without even realising it. It's like when two people newly met but can't resist the strong chemistry to stand side by side and hold each other in their arms. When body touches another unfamiliar body, the adrenaline will start to rush. Clouding your head with extreme high, intoxicates you and bewilders you by the speed of you falling for someone new and impulsively. Yet again, dangerously. Then after, you start to feel warm and comfortable being with that now "familiar" person. Nothing needs to be said. No promises by the moonlight would have to be made, no sweet nothings would have to be whispered and no compliments needed to be passed.
Nothing of the verbal needs to be done. Just let go of your guard and fall helplessly into that stranger's arms. You could be dancing under the rain with that stranger or you could be dancing with that someone in a club. You could be in a couch doing nothing but exchange eye contact and caresses. Stroking the the eyelids, the nose and the outline of the lips. Sucking in every features on that person's face into your mind and immortalise it. Studying every curve and crease on his or her skin and feel the warmth when you know they are doing the same to you.
No need for sexual intercourse and foreplay. Those things are to harsh and rough for this delicate moment. It must be subtle yet overwhelming. You are simply overwhelmed by the simple touch that speaks a thousand word and portrays the exact thought conjured up in that person's mind. Somehow when you're in that state, you eyes and your heart can tell you everything you need to know about this person. You can tell is he is sincere through the look in his eyes and the movement of his hands.You can tell is he's using you if he rushes into things.
You could be lying under the stars with him and feel totally at ease by his company. You feel safe just by putting your head and hearing his steady heart beat. Before you know it, you have drifted off to sleep by the rhythmic lullaby of his heart. Your nose that is touching his skin will suck in deep the scent of his skin and you will feel and know that you're complete. With all the 5 senses used; the eyes to study his face, the ears to hear his heart beat and sound of his breathing, the nose to recognise his one and only distinctive scent, and the hands to feel his body, you will definitely feel at ease.
Owh how I yearn for those moments to come. I just wanna lie down on his lap beside a creek and hear the sound of the water gushing. I wanna feel the tingling heat of the sun on my skin accompanied by the stroking of my hair by his fingers. I want to open my eyes and meet his eyes and close them again. I wanna listen to his voice while I lie down and feeling half asleep. I wanna feel free from all troubles, worries and watching eyes. I just wanna be with nature and with him.
P/s: Im sorry if u think im feeling emo, but im just feeding my head with comforting thougths. hmm...
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