It was 6.45 a.m, when i accidentaly stumbled onto Channel 4, Ria at Astro. My intention was never to watch anything malay-nised in that channel, but my real intention was to turn on to channel 42 but i had difficulty pressing the button 2, so therefore i ended up watching Ria.
It has been many nights without slumber and my usual bed time would be around 9 or 5 a.m in the morning, and i would wake up four hours after that. Insomnia, has been a loyal friend in my new idle life.
On Channel 4, recitals of 'Takbir Raya' is booming loudly on the tv and i have nearly forgotten that today, this morning ,is Hari Raya Aildil-adha. I stopped my intention from changing the channel into the one i had planned to watch earlier.
I thought to myself, as a duty of a Muslim, eventhough not religeous but it is still my duty to at least listen to a few beautiful verses of a recital from the Al-Quran. Mawi, the winner of Akademia Fantasia led the recital and it was amazing how he could recite a few verses with such calmness and impresiveness without sounding vain at all. His eyes were closed and his body rocked from side to side as if, possesed but gently and peacefully possesed.
The rest behind him, followed his recitals. Thier eyes told a story of solemnity and solace. Some even shut thier eyes closed, trying to appreciate the beauty of the Al-Quran, but all of them had one thing in common; thier bodies were rocking gently from side to side. It was not synchronised and rather messy, but they were all rocking to thier own rhythm. Rhythm of spirituality and finding inner peace with himself and God.
It was not only thier eyes that captured me, but it was also thier head and body movement. Most of them, had thier head tilted down, looking down as if, they were very ashamed of themselves and regretted of thier doings in the past. From there, I can see a Muslim repenting and being a 'hamba of Allah'. It shook me wholly.
Slowly and seldomly, they would opened thier eyes, but when they did, it was heavy and lazy as if had just been sprinkled with a magic spell.A magic spell that would give them peace and calmness that could put them to sleep like a baby. I found myself slowly reciting the verses that I knew so well since i was a child.
On every Hari Raya's eve, I would play outside the house with my cousins, my lovely and ever so many cousins at night. We would play hide and see, fire crackers, skipping rope and so much more. On that very night i would never fail to hear the recitals faintly on the background as i played. Sometimes, i even did try to follow the recitals, but i never knew the words, so i just followed the melody. Now I know the words, and it has always been my favourite recital as it had been so nostalgic.It brings comfort of my childhood.
This is just a short story, telling all of you out there, how i am as a Muslim and an individual feel about my religeon and my spirituality. Just surfacing the hidden emotion and let you all out there, experience a lil jist of spiritual comfort of another religeon and culture. How much i tried to run away, (even without me realising it) from my roots and heritage, i could never go far. I would always be on the starting point of my race in denial. = )
This has been a very frequent question that i ask myself...Follow your heart or your mind? Some would strongly suggest that your mind should be given the utmost priority, as they say "we're humans, and are gifted with the most superior brain, therefore we should use it to the greates advantage, even in decision making".
Well if that's the thing, what about your hunches? or your intuition? your instincts? Some believe that we're just like the animals because we evolved from our fellow primates, and we have exactly what they have, which is instincts. Which kept them alive and gave trememdous boost for survival. But are we ever willing to sink that low, or to demean ourselves to a monkey, baboon standard?
Some would try to balance thier intuition and thier mind to good use. I've been that way for quite some time, but the more often i practise it, the more confusing it gets.
I dont have any example to give, but the only example i have is my sodding love life, which i dont ever want to bring up because its a big bore.
Nevertheless, think of one from any of your experience.
Mayb i have one now!
I have 2 choices of colleges and pre-u program on my plate rite now.
The first one is, SAM from taylors. It's easier, and the college is near to my house. Im planning to go to Melb U, so this SAM foundation completes everything that i need.
But one the other hand, i have A-level that i have been considering since a very long time ago. Perhaps since 2 years ago. First of all, it's not reconmendable because it's hard, and if i ever want to take up A-level it would definitely be in HELP, which is so far away from my house.
The first is my mind thinking and the latter is my heart's desire.
Nevertheless, i pick the latter. Because i get these stupid hunches.
So i made up my conjectures. Usually, what your mind picks would be the easiest option for you. Mayb not that rewarding but it will make things easier.
On the flip side, what your hunches tell you would be risky, and you would have to face the hard cold reality. I dont know why it is that way, but often decisions that i made from my intuiton or hunches usually came with a big price to pay.
But im still not so sure which is more beguilling.
So far, i've made up my mind, to follow my hunches, probably because i've been very sceptical of hunches. I often thought that hunches are just hunches and they cannot be trusted, because most of your desires, lust and needs are very deceiving.
Despite of that all, i want to give my desire and intuition a chance and compare which is more rewarding. Even how risky your hunches could be, risk takers are often rewarded more. After all, those are only my conjectures.
Everything else is up to you.
But im impotent to what's coming ahead, i believe in fate and destiny. But yet again, do we create our own destiny or does fate/god creates our destiny? or is it just mere coincidences? COFUSION!
When i was head over heels for someone, and i get constant butterflies
when i was crazy over someone, and how i mesmerise about them all the time
when i used to gaze deep into thier eyes and observe every fine details on thier faces
When i get to meet them, and have a perfect hearty laugh
When comforting them when they are tired
when i caress my hands on thier faces
When how i used to think everything is perfect between us and felt the warmth of security and love
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i just miss, being in love and the feelings that it gives
i just miss the feelings that i get when my heart is melting
i just miss thinking about how perfect they are and how amazing they could be sometimes
i just miss getting sweet and warm sms
i just miss being romantic and making plans for each other
i just miss falling head over heels for someone and having to care about someboby
I just miss the time picking out the perfect outfit for dates
i just miss looking at thier faces when they smile
i just miss how it felt 3 years ago, when i was never lonely and single
and i just hate feeling emo, like how im feeling rite now!..
I think im in love, but im unsure and confused..
It's not because it's christmas,
It's not because it's Monday (and ppl are on holiday)
It's not because it's the school holiday
It's not because it was bright and sunny (didnt even see the sun, coz slept till 6pm)
and it's not because the moon and the stars are smiling at us because of our festive christmas spirit and cultural diversity!
BUT IT'S BECAUSE, IT IS YONG YEONG REN'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! YYR! MY GOOD FRIEND!
ANNOUCEMENT: IT IS YEONG REN'S BIRTHDAY TODAY AND THAT CRAZY MANIAC JUST TURNED 17 TODAY!
im so hyper at the moment, but i miss my good fren yeong ren here! i've not seen, talked, pester, annoyed, beat, screamt at him for ages! usually those are the things that i do to the boys that i am most fond of..
It shows that im very comfortable being with him, and yeong ren, it is a good thing! For all this time, i annoyed and made u feel like u wanna jump down from a ten storey building because
I LOVE YOU!
(okey man, dont take it too far, i only love u, not love love loving u okay?)
This guy here is so sweet, caring, and sensitive. But he can be a pain sometimes, just like me. Yeong Ren if you're reading, just wanna wish you a happy brilliant Birthday and just wanna let you know that i value our friendship very much (eventhough it's only very new) and that you are such a good guy. Really really good and sincere!
from the left: That's Chen Hou (very sarcastic) his good friend, Mich (everybody knows her, so no need to introduce), and that's him Yeong Ren.
Take care of yourself Yeong Ren, and hope we will always keep in touch! xoxo
My life is like a journey,
journey through hills and seas
through spaces and galaxies,
As on my way back from the moon,
I met a bright shining star
That star indeed, was you.
As a star you are of course,
big and huge,
but only at heart.
shining and bright,
which is your smile.
vivid and true,
that are your strengths
that help us lost travellers find a path back home.
Indeed you are, very much like a star.
I'll keep you in my pocket, i keep you in my heart.
Like the everlasting star
you shall never fade and wither
not ever from my heart and my soul.
You, my friend
have my childhood and my promise.
I have no other words
no other way, no other method
to describe and to tell a tale of you
because,
you are just simply amazing
that it keeps me astounded.
But i do know a few things
that,
your hugs are sanctuary
your compliments are warmth
and your smile are sunshine.
so tell me my dear,
how can i, or anybody else
ever forget a person as special as you?
Ever on the way of my furthered journeys,
do i find anyone or anybody else
who entreats to know most about you,
no words should i utter,
or any examples would i give,
but a smile would i have to explain it all.
I know it doesnt ryhmed that well, but i took quite some time to compose this untill it made me hungry! enjoy ben!
i've been missing from the blogsphere for some time now, and i'm practically brain dead and idea-deficit!
Most of my family members are in shock to see me reading again! i was only reading story books, and adding new vocabs to the short list of vocab that i knew. Im having fun reading pride&prejudice, eventhough it's english it not that easy to comprehend, probably because it was written in the 17th century! Duh!
Apart from that, my dad told me that i could go to Melbourne! HOORAY! but only for a month or two, for as long as i want. could be a week, a day or any time. Just say it! I dont know the reason behind for the sudden kindness (eventhough he is kind, but not this generous), but it could be a test for me on how capable i am in handling myself, and probably a scheme to make me feel bored of Oz so that i wouldnt have the yearning to study abroad anymore!
But im gonna prove him wrong. But what the heck, im planning to study here for a year anyway. Doesnt matter, i'll treat it as a holiday! Thanx papa.
I, also have a project up on my sleeve, and its pobably the reason why i want to improve on my english so that i could write better. Some have been made known to my idea and notion, but the rest would just have to wait.
Hehehe, i wont be that secretive, it's just an idea to publish a handbook for female teens. So currently, im just surveying the line of literary business esp the ones in Malaysia. I am soon not going to be a teen anymore, for about another 3 years? so im gonna jot down the experiences that i had through out my high school on paper, and i hope it would be relatable to all the teens in Malaysia.
These are the topics that im gonna roughly touch on in my book (if there is going to be a book, this is just a goal mind u) :
1)sex bcause its such a taboo in malaysia, so im gonna make it a known issue in my book. 100% truth about sex will be accesible to all malaysian female teens!
2)self-worth, dignity and those things esp dignity. Dignity is a very strong word, but most teens cant comprehend the idea of dignity.To me, dignity is a word that could only be understood in thier own understanding n meaning
3)n yada n yada.....still got lots more, but not gonna write it. just hope that u've gotten the basic idea of it.
But i gotta remind all of u though, this is only an idea, a notion that i had. im just planning and being ambitious, so i hope it doesnt sound absurd to u. Heck, what do i care if u think its absurd, hehehe.
It's just me, i always plan but the action often comes much much much later than expected or it would come rather suprisingly! ehehe...
Happy now that i've uploaded?...hehe
i thot i would love holiday, but to my horror holidays are such a horror!
i though during the holidays i would read some books, do puzzles, relax, and have fun.
But to my horror, im doing none of them. N i have no idea why.
Haih....
