twist-irony-surprises

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

My misery.

She opens her eyes and she is finally awake. She fumbles for her watch and it says 5 pm. For most of her days, she wakes up at 5 pm and retreats to bed at 6 am. What a splendid surprise it would be if she wakes up at 12 or earlier and it would never happen unless she is forced to wake up.

This day, just on this particular day, she feels sick. She feels sick of everything. She feels sick of her boyfriend's endless silence and ceaseless problems. She is sick of universities and their ever increasing requirements, fees, competitiveness, and its yearning to increase its status. She even feels sick of her increasing appetite when matched with her ever increasing indecisiveness. It leaves her hungry most of the time as she can't make up her mind on where to eat and when to eat. Then she feels sick of her family with more emphasize on her father. She feels sick of humanity in short. All the games played in this world by humanity used to make sense to her but now she is falling out from it. All life's games and purposes seem all frivolous to her. All so so so frivolous.

If everyone's life is a movie, then the movie of her life would be The Matrix. Life is just an illusion you live with. Trapped in a dome full of lies and deceit. No concrete substances ever exist but just a life created out of a series of airy meanings and definitions.

Living as an animal seems to make more sense to her. You eat and hunt for a single purpose only which is for survival. You sleep only for one reason which is for survival. You mate with the opposite sex not because of love (a thing made out of a series of airy definitions and meanings as well) but for just one reason which is again for survival. In all its simplicity and brutal honesty, she finds more meaning in being an animal. No longer the need to quest for the real meaning behind morality or between good and evil. No more of the bullshit in finding god or the answers to the creation of the earth and cosmology.

She is just so sick of humanity. She is puzzled why people fight for religion when religion itself is nothing concrete. She is just all so puzzled by the effort mankind make in order to obtain something so frivolous in her eyes.

A knock on the door chases her out of her reverie. She looks at the door and finds a warm greeting smile from her sister. She gets out of the bed and heads for the shower. As the cold water gushes down on her head and washes all the heat away, she starts to realise that it is simplicity that she wants. The life of a lotus eater perhaps, or better yet a life of an animal or a recluse. A life where she lives just by her conscience and her conscience alone because she believes that her conscience is primitive enough to lead the life that she wants.

by Zephyr at 2:42 AM |