twist-irony-surprises

Saturday, March 24, 2007

WUARGHH

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

Thats not a sigh of relief people, but thats a scream...

A scream of mortification. Is there such a word?

When i was in school, being emotionally, mentally, and physically tortured by teachers (esp emo queen stephanie who ruined my life), i dreaded going to school. Plus with heaps of homework and SPM pressure, didnt make me feel any more excited or welcomed in school.

If u were to give me a million dollars but with the condition that i go back to school to resit SPM or sit for STPM, i'll give u a big fat ass "HELL FUCKING NO WAY".

Thats how reluctant i am. Back in school, i dreamt of going to college instead of school. I dreamt of doing assignment with laptop instead of using pen and pencils.

But how wrong i was, and how tainted that imagination is. Because college life is daunting...to me.

College life just baffles me. Probably you wouldnt know the reason why, but i'll lay everything nicely on the table, for u to gawk in horror.

On the day of the orientation (which starts at 8.30), i woke at 6 and left home around 7. HELP Coll is located at Bangsar, so i think i'll need an hour plus to reach there.

To my horror, i got lost. Im sick of getting lost. Whenever i go, i get lost. Not only i was lost, the traffic jam was so horrible till i had to scream, sing my lungs out and scream again till my ears got deaf just to release myself from the terrible AURA OF TRAFFIC JAM!

From klang, then i got to subang, then got to subang again, went out of subang, then i saw midvalley, then i got to bangsar, after that only i reached my college. I have to pass by everywhere to reach my college.

I reached my college around 9.05. Thank God Jay Yan was there, and helped me around. Or not, i'll get lost again. =.='

The "people" gave us some speech. Some were good, some were bad.

But i have to tell u guys about this one guy. More like an old man ok. He's 65 and i have no idea what his name is. He gave us a speech, and he said proudly " I congratulate all of you for making the decision to join Help coll for A-level".

"Not because you're in help, but its because u chose A-Level". He went on and on, and told us how much experienced he is in pre-u programmes and how he finds that A-level is the best programme and yada yada yada...

Wow...i was pretty much influenced and excited after his speech. Thinking that, wow, im doing A-levels u know and my future is gonna be bright and all.

After the speech we had ice-breaking session, which was lame. Dont want to explain much.

Subsequently, we had a tour around Help. I couldnt believe how punctured I was after a few walk around the bloke and under the blazing sun. I found out that, A-level department is in another building, and to get there i would have to take a bus there.

I was thinking , great! I have to get here by car and not forgetting the stressful journey, but when i reach here, i have to wait for a bus and reach that place by bus. Wahlau, so much of hassle just to reach a building wei!...

The tour was fine, but i was pretty much "pancit' after that u know. Out of energy. Loss of appetite and when i actually got my timetable and got my grouping, i have quite a hectic sechedule.

3 days a week, i would have to reach Help by 8, and on wednesday i have classes from 8 till 4, without any break because all of my four subs are on that day, starting with Law, then econ, then eng.lit then maths. If my LAN classes fall on Wednesday too, then i would have to stay from 8 am till 6 pm! Talk about torture...

Coincidentally, my mandarin class falls on that day too. If I've decided to take the mandarin class, then i would have to go to another class on the same day at 8pm till 9.30 pm. Thinking about this just made me feel so fatigue and tired on that day.

Should i drop law? I dont need law in the future, so should i drop one and focuse on the 3 subs like some of A-level students? Its less tiring, and its definitely less hectic. Probably, i could focus more and score better for the 3 sub. So how?

Not only that, the expenses in Help for a day is really high. Like on dat day, my parking fee came up to Rm13 ringgit and thats because I have not gotten the voucher yet. The toll would come up to around 7 ringgit, and food would come around 6 if i eat at mamak. If i were to go to Subway or what, then it would cost around Rm 10 a day? On that day itseld, i had to spend Rm50...Guess i'll have to pack my own sandwiches then..haih, talk about budgeting.

How can i survive?...Would i survive?

Before i forget to mention, i did make some acquintaces, but most of the girls that i talked with are so not my type. I mean not in the type for a lesbo partner but a sidekick in college. Most of them are so goody, and u know girly. I've not met anyone that is as whacky as i am, or as crazy as my friends. I think I wont have any college frens. Saddening...Most of the guys are like freaks. I wanna have another Yr in coll. Or probably aother Hakim or so to crack me up. If i cant get Chen Hou or other guys, Nee Keong will do. I want another Kah Mun, and Mich. Or probably another Leanne or Pooi Yee. But it would be called making new friends if i keep on expecting to have people like them to be my friends.

But much to this problems, im not trying to make myself feel any better. I may sound like im complaining, but i am not. I am just worried. Really really worried. Its not that i am ungrateful and i feel like my royal blood will fade due to this hard work, but everything seems so daunting rite now.

The question is, can i make it? should i drop a sub? Am i strong enough to take all this?

I take myself as a strong person, but im just really intimidated by all of this. Really I am..

Guess this programme is as a litmus test of my persistence and dilligence...and of course of how far can i carry myself without getting washed away by defeat.

When i got home, i messaged Imran and he made my day. Instead of calling me Baby, or sweetie like most guys, he calls me doll, and sometimes queen aka Rajay. When i told him of my "adventure", he said to gain something i would have to lose something. I should not stay pesimisstic (is that how u spell it?) as i am now, but i would have to be positve.

When i though that this guy is like any typical guy, he surprises when all the time. He steps up to the game everytime when i need him too. But let me assure u guys, that this is not love. Its just moral support...hehehe, love is a big word for me to attain and comprehend.

OWH YEAH! i met Fasha today...Giler stim. I was so shocked and flabbergasted.

by Zephyr at 10:14 AM |