twist-irony-surprises

Sunday, May 06, 2007

depression is kicking in...damn

We used to be tight and we used to be as one. We moved around as a pack- loud, intimidating and clear. We used to paint the whole town red together, or more like the school red. We've been one since god knows when. We made promises of always being together or we'll actually make effort to be together till we grow old. We talked of being just like the desperate housewives on Wisteria Lane. Were those times just meant to be a memory to each of us? Or those promises that we make were based on empty words? Or are we just refusing to bother about the friendship that we used to cherish?

All I could do is just let out a sigh whenever I look at our pictures. Each one of us heading to different paths. Some of us have somebody to share the journey with and some of us are still hoping for somebody to walk with on our lonely path. But one thing for sure, all of us couldn't take the journey together. It seems the path is too small to fit all of us into it. The lane of life just gets smaller and smaller, and thus leaving only a few to remain on the journey, or make us leave and lead a solitary life.

My heart sank deeper when I hear each and everyone's voices. The warmth is gone and the soul seems to be empty. Or maybe I am just imagining it. But I still can't deny that the chemistry is gone. Sometimes the darker side of me tells me that we just don't care anymore. Then I'll feel a lump stuck in my throat and my heart gets heavier with sadness.

Some of us walk the path of life without even looking back. Their head is thrust ahead with full of eagerness for what life has to offer. Some of us walk the path of life with doubt and insecurity. Adding up to that vulnerability is the thought that we still lead a solitary life after all this years. Then there is one like me; who is still eager for what life has in store for her, but she just can't help to look back on her childhood memories. Who feels resentment towards the causes of our fall out, or maybe who just feels bitter towards the fact of reality.

Maybe the cause to our fall out is the illusion that we're still strong no matter what happens. The illusion causes us to neglect. Maybe some of us are just too caught up by the waves and surge of life. Maybe some of us just forget. Or maybe some of us just bottle it all inside. Maybe some of us just don't care. However to say that we just don't bother or care is harsh. Well.... if I can't say that then the only reason would be: we're reaching adulthood and independence starts to build with time. We're stronger than before and the need to depend on someone else is fading away. When you are happy and satisfied with yourself, friendship starts to lose its importance. Well is that explanation kind enough?

Well to those that actually take effort, I thank you lots. To some that just disappear, maybe the the waves of life would draw us together in no time. To whoever that I may appear aloof and distant to, Im sorry but in my heart I cherish the good times that we've had together. I just need to face the fact of reality. haih...

by Zephyr at 7:43 AM |