twist-irony-surprises

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Exogamy or Endogamy?

My mum was drunk the other day and I felt like screwing her mind a minute. This post might be offensive to a certain group of people but do know that it's nothing serious. Anyways my mum has this thing against Bollywood movies, and that's why when she sees me watching bollywood movies she will rebuke me. She will say anything in the world to make me feel embarrassed to watch it. But hey, I love Indians, India and anything that has to do with it, so knowing my mum who is a typical close minded village girl, who could never understand the concept of universalism (i.e accepting the skin colour black), I don't pay her any mind.

Note: I have pointed out the weaknesses of my mum (typical, uneducated, close minded, village girl). Therefore I do not want to see any hateful messages in my tagboard. Keep an open mind to this post. If you have anything to protest, say it in a mature manner where we can discuss it but not fight about it. Okay! Back to the point...

Anyways, my mum was drunk and she was nagging me to death, so I thought why not I spite her to death so that she can shut up. I said "Ma, I really like Indians and I think I'll get married to one (I am serious about this okay)". She kept quiet and gave me a face. Then I continued to say, "I can get married with an Indian and Aminah can get married to Africans".

She kept quiet for awhile and then started wailing aimlessly. She was wailing something about go pack my bag and leave the house, if I wont do it then she will. Then I said "Okay, what If i get married with a chinese?"

"Can"

"Mat Salleh?"

"Can"

"Mamak?"

"Can"

"Thais?"

"Can".

Then she concluded and said "You can get married with whoever you want except Indians and Africans". Clearly my mum has got issues against the colour black and that is the only one thing I loathe about her.

She then said "Why don't you get married with a malay? Get married with a person who has your same background and you'll be happy".

I said "No way, Malay men are stupid". Then again I do have issues you see, just like my mum but my problem is against my own race.

So the question is, is it better to have an exogamy marriage ( The custom of marrying outside the tribe, family, clan, or other social unit.) or an endogamy marriage (marriage within one's own tribe or group as required by custom or law)?.

Probably the answer is obvious which is endogamy marriage, but not to me. My whole existence is a make up of exogamy marriages. From my great-grandparents to both my parents. Even my siblings are crossing borders when it comes to choosing a partner. My first brother got married with a half fillipino and half malay, my second brother is getting married to a christian Indonesian, and my sister too has crossed the border in a different manner which I do not need to explain any further.

It's simple! Our family just can't get married with the same type! But it is this same element that makes my family chaotic and dysfunctional too. That's why in the Al-Quran, it encourages marriage within the same type and in the bible it says get married with those of the same yoke. Suprising;y, it is true in J.lo's case. She has been with a white man, black man, and half black man, and none worked. But when she met Marc Anthony, everything changed! Probably because they are of the same yoke which is Hispanic.

But I can't help but love the fusion of two cultures. Besides having to learn different cultures and crossing borders together is a strengthening element for a marriage. It in a way, opens your eyes and make you appreciate each other more. There is nothing more special than a couple trying to adapt and sacrifice for each other's different needs and beliefs. But in this case it either breaks you or makes you stronger. It's on the two end of extremes. It's complicated, but hey who said any kind of marriage is simple?

So the questions are still circling in my head ; Why can't I get imagine getting married of the same yoke and why do I prefer crossing borders? Is it genetic or is it something I learned along the way? And definitely I can't help but question, which marriage is better ; Endogamy or Exogamy? Probably there can't be an answer, but I can't help but question the veracity of both marriages.

P/s: I do not want any hate messages ok? If I do get one, and be able to track you down, I swear I will come and scare the shit out of ur pants! I've had enough of your cowardice. Wanna say it, then say to my face and with your real name too. Not with the name anon, panda or some shit hole names. Got it? = )

by Zephyr at 6:29 AM |